Though I am loathe to admit it, my daughter rose from bed at 04:00 to witness the nuptials of Prince William and one Kathryn Middleton. I am given to understand that approximately 1 billion of her fellow humans did likewise. I appreciate the “romance” of the proceedings, and I understand – at some marginally intellectual level – the ‘draw’ to these events, but frankly, I can’t be bothered. This isn’t because I am not a romantic (I’m not), and it isn’t because I could care less about ‘royalty’ (I can’t). It isn’t even because I can’t stand what qualifies as “newsworthy” any longer (I can’t). So, why can’t I be bothered by this grand event? Simply put, because this isn’t the royal wedding I am waiting for!

What could possibly rise above the event witnessed this morning? What could have more pomp, richer surroundings, and more meaning?Well, first some “backstory”. There was a King who had power over all that was known, and He had a bride who He cherished deeply. He lavished active love and relationship on His bride, but eventually she grew more enamored with the creatures and surroundings in her garden than with her King. One day, she broke the only rule in the land, effectively divorcing her husband, the King. She was forced to leave the garden, and she had a difficult life with many ups and downs (mostly down).

The King watched and grieved from a distance, but nothing could be done; she had broken the only rule. Finally the King – in His infinite wisdom – sent His Son (in disguise) to live with His bride, walking with her, talking with her, and experiencing what she experienced. This Plan culminated with the Son taking on the consequences of the rule that had been broken – in full – and paying for that Fall with His own life. The King had won back His bride, but she still didn’t accept that great gift!

Over many years, the King reached out to His bride and for brief moments it ‘felt’ like she was beginning to admit that the debt was paid, the battle won; that she could return to Him, but it didn’t happen. The King – and all His host – strained at the bounds of the palace as they tried to reach the bride, but the King knew it wasn’t time. As the bride suffered and grew older, the entire palace wept for her. Finally, the land the bride lived in was in constant battle and natural disasters raged across the landscape. Her very existence was coming to an end. The King knew this was the time. He and His hosts left the palace to go to the lost bride to bring her home at last.

The King and his hosts appears in a moment, and all the land sees them and trembles. The masses had relegated Him to the ages as a myth, a story told by children to other children; certainly not real, and definitely not all-powerful. Yet, here He is – in power and glory – white, shining as a thousand suns! Undeniable, and present. The earth shakes under the force of His army, and He raises up His bride, and takes her home to His palace. He has been preparing her home for thousands of years, and now she will see it! They can be together forever.

THE Wedding

The renewal of their vows, THE wedding, will take place outside a city with golden streets. This city has 12 gates, each made from a different precious stone. The groom will sit on a throne so bright that one can barely look toward it. That throne will be surrounded by angels with several wings, raising their voices in praise to the King and His Plan for His bride. The bride herself will stand on a sea of glass that is fed by a river, over which is a tree whose fruit changes each month; the Tree of Life. The bride will sing in praises to her King, and the vows they renew will never again be broken. After this wedding, the King will sit down with His bride and eat, and drink. He has not done this for thousands of years, as the Son vowed would come to pass. Once again relationship rebuilt, the bride renewed, and the King’s Plan complete!

Men and women of the Lord, that bride is US! We are those for whom He died so that we could be reconciled to Him. This Plan, in place for eternity past, to save those that were lost; to bring us back to Him, into perfect relationship as He intended from the beginning. How awesome, and how humbling a thought that He would do this for us after we were unfaithful in so many ways. You and I will stand together on that sea of glass and sing praises to Him, we will partake in the cup with Him, and we will rejoice with Him in Heaven for eternity. THAT is the wedding I am waiting for, and nothing we can do here take even one step toward the royalty, the environment, and the meaning of our heavenly reuniting with God the Father through Christ the Son.

For those of you who are reading this that have not yet accepted Christ as your Savior, I urge you to pray right now. Ask the Lord to guide you as He draws you to Him. Be part of this glorious resurrection. He loves you, and wants you to live with Him for eternity. Don’t let this pass!

P.S. I am aware, that in the quick telling of this story that I have left out some critical theology and the judgment(s) entirely. Forgive my license and know that I know these things will come to pass as well, but I haven’t entire days to write these entries!

1. I do not typically watch Dancing With The Stars

2. I think the show objectifies both men and women – to some degree – and most of the outfits they wear should be illegal (and are, almost everywhere in the Middle East!)

3. I am taking no position on whether or not Bristol Palin can dance, whether or not she should ‘be there’ with Kurt Warner or Brandy gone, and in this note, I’m taking no comments on Bristol’s famous mother.

Here’s what really hacked me off on this show. First, Bristol has gotten snail mail with white powder, comments about her thighs, dancing like ‘an elephant on crack’, and death threats. DEATH THREATS!!! Seriously people, stop shooting your TV, put down the Marlboro and the coffee and go RELAX somewhere; it’s a SHOW. Second, Bristol, through one choice of her own and several by her mother, is destined to be stalked and to live in her mother’s shadow for life, and that’s sad. She’s a woman in her own right, a beautiful person, and has had to weather an incredible storm of hatred, brought on not by the show itself, but through a proxy battle of conservatives and liberals with all the vitriol you’d expect as a result. Finally, she’s on the show and she’s started to listen to the comments and read her own press; and it’s starting to hurt her heart. Today, during the comments after the second dance, she said something like, “..I know I needed come out and be a sexy girl, but I’m just not a sexy girl“.

WHAT!?!? This 20 year-old single mother is more woman than most women will ever be. She has lived to the limit of happiness and grief, she has endured, and she carries herself well; regardless the criticism. NO woman should be made to believe that she “isn’t sexy” by people with shriveled hearts, jaundiced eyes, and evil on their mind.

Men, I challenge you to treat your wives with respect, cherish them, and make them feel like queens. Make them feel “sexy”. For your daughters, please teach them what to demand from a man, teach them what godly attraction looks like, and PLEASE teach them that they are beautiful women; inside and out!

Technorati Tags: bristol, dwts, palin, sexy

Carrying My Wife for 30 Days

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I’ve got something to tell you”. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. “I want a divorce”, I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “why”?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “you are not a man”! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her crying was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our eldest son had his middle school exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce”, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our younger son clapped behind us, “..daddy is holding mommy in his arms”! His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; “don’t tell our sons about the divorce”. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given twenty years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry my wife as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger?

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our younger son came in at the moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mom out”. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, “I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy”.

I drove to the office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, “Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore”.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Jane”, I said, “I won’t divorce”. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us part. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part”.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up the stairs, only to find my wife had been driven home from work early, and she was confined to bed as she was too weak to walk. She died that night, at home in the bed I carried her from every day, for 30 days.
My wife had been fighting cancer for months and I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save my reputation with our sons, in case we pushed thru with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

Men, perhaps you’ve never gotten a divorce, considered a divorce, or even taken enough time and energy away from your family to consider yourself a failure. For the two or three of you that covers, congratulations! We could all do so much more to build intimacy with our wives, and if you’ve never failed in a big way, consider if you’ve ‘been all that you can be’ to your beloved. We don’t know how long we have, and we are so rarely aware of who is watching. Let us live as though our marriages are the first and brightest reflection of Christ, because they are!

There are several points in this story worth calling out. First, both spouses were angry… and that’s fine. The key is to handle our anger in such a way that it is not sinful. Focusing on ourselves, our desires, to the detriment of our spouse is sin. Second, while we all need to be motivated by a clean spirit and real heart change, we need to be aware that sometimes, behavior can change the heart! Sometimes, orthopraxy (doing what is right) can bring us to a fuller understanding and active living of orthodoxy (right theology). Third, see the realization and change in perception that took place when this husband spent one-on-one time with his wife. Understand that the same thing holds true in our relationship with God. Time spent with one another builds understanding and intimacy.  Fourth, this combination of right living and right teaching, when practiced over time, will change our focus from ourselves to others, and will enable us to live a life that glorifies God more and more each day. This man finally ‘saw’ his wife, after so many years of emotional neglect, because he was “living right”, and only for 30 days. What a difference in that amount of time! Finally, remember that our days are numbered. Take the time with your wife whom the Lord has given you, all the days you have been given on this earth. Delight in her as the wife of your youth, regardless your age and regardless how you stand with one another today. Take the time.

Thanks for reading!

Ron

P.S. For practical tips on what to do to rebuild your relationship and really focus on your wife in an intentional way, take “The Love Dare” as a start. This works, regardless where you are, and it gives a great deal of information to you about the places where your beloved can use time and attention.

Fireproof

Not often does a movie come along that I enjoy. Rarer still, a movie that I respect. Still harder to find, a movie that I enjoy, respect, and that I am emotionally caught up in and learn something from. Fireproof is one of these rare movies. In fact, it may stand alone in its own category.

This movie tells a story about a man – Caleb Holt – whose marriage is now coming on hard times. It’s coming onto hard times because neither he nor his wife have learned how to love unselfishly. Their reaction is to end the marriage, rather than fight for it. The main character’s father steps in and asks his son to go on a 40-day “love dare” journey, treating his wife the way a wife should be treated, regardless her ‘worthiness’ to accept that love and care. The journey takes some tough twists and turns, and the results are – to him – unexpected and will change his life forever.

This film is unapologetically Christian. It states that to give love, you must first understand love, and you must have it. This true love can only come from Christ and it is only this love that lasts forever, is wholly unselfish, and the only love strong enough to hold even when the other person is ‘undeserving’. There are so many layers to this film it is difficult to discuss them all, but male pornography issues, older male and female mentoring, Christian friends, influence of parents in the life, Christian witness, and counseling are all touched on and dealt with in reasonable and approachable terms.

Why did I enjoy this movie so much? Well, because I am Caleb Holt. I don’t mean that I am a firefighter and that the movie was modeled after my life, I mean that I acted as Caleb acted, and my life came to the same crossroads as his did. In fact, I acted far worse than Caleb did, for a longer period of time, was far more addicted to pornography, and this with three children in the house. My crossroad was an offramp on a freeway, not a fork in the road.

After a 2-hour struggle on my knees with the Lord (which I lost and He won), I came out of that dark place and began to treat my wife with the love that I am called to show, even though she had nothing to return. I did this after she left the house with the children, and in God’s grace, He loved her back into our marriage. I didn’t have a 40-day plan, but I knew that my approach to life had been – to this point – completely unsuccessful. I had things, and money, but nothing that mattered, and I wasn’t walking with my Lord. I decided that, even if He did not return my family to me, that I would walk with Him because I was inqdequate on my own. I would – finally – become part of the solution, and not the problem. I would help build God’s kingdom here on earth.

I don’t know where each of you are in your marriages, but I can guarantee that there are pieces of Caleb and Catherine in each of us. For the married, I urge you to watch this movie with your spouse. For single men, I urge you to watch this movie and see the positive effect that Christian friends can have on a man, and the devastating effects of pornography on a woman’s heart. Single women, watch this movie and learn not to gossip, or to exacerbate your friends marriage difficulties with a sharp tongue.

If your marriage has had struggles and you watch this movie with your spouse, watch the matinee and set aside the entire evening for healing and talking. This movie is one of the very few that can change your life if you let it. If you are willing to go ‘all the way’ and let the Lord into your heart as well, this movie won’t just change your life, it will be responsible for leading you to the One that saved it.

Technorati Tags: christ, love, marriage, movie, romance, Wife

4% of men ages 16-24 in America attend church regularly.

Since the Industrial Revolution, the involvement of men in the church has declined in a cyclical pattern, but with a steady pace. What will a church with no men look like? The world gives us some answer today, in that more and more children are being raised without a father in their lives. Did you know that over 28% of children in America today are being raised without a father in the home? Did you know that in the African-American community that this number jumps to 63% ? The impact of this is recognized in our sinful world, but we’ve refused to see the implications for our church. A son who is absent a father between the ages of 14 and 22 has his risk of incarceration increase 5% for every year he lives without a father. Children who live in a home without a father are 32% more likely to smoke, drink, or use illegal drugs than children in a two-parent home. Girls raised without a father present have sex for the first time an average of 1.6 years earlier than girls raised with a father present. It is clear, even in secular society, that father-presence is critical. What about our church?
Statistics show that if a child is brought to church regularly throughout his childhood by its mother, and the father does not attend, that the likelihood of that child attending church regularly as an adult is around 2%. If the father takes the children to church, that percentage jumps to 33%.

Folks, God has given men the call to spiritually lead their families. I don’t pretend to know why spirituality has been designed to be passed on by men, but I read Scripture that says that it has and the numbers bear it out in practice. I also see that men are leading at an ever declining rate and that leadership cannot be based only on speech, but on practice. Brennan Manning says, “The greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who claim Christ with their lips, and then walk out the door and deny Him with their lifestyle”.  Learning is a wonderful thing, but I am already educated well beyond my obedience. We must do what God reveals to us in His word as we read and pray; learning it isn’t enough.

Deut 6:4-9 gives a wonderful overview of what it takes to pass on spiritual concepts and a more complete picture of our Savior to your family. Jewish culture at that time had a son learning a trade from his father and women working together in the home all day, every day. That kind of dedicated time made for an environment where a father’s actions were seen and mimicked on a more regular basis than today. Now a child only sees Dad when he gets home from work, grumpy and snapping at Mom, and that’s what they emulate. Let it not be so in our homes. Men, we must model a good relationship for our children. The way you treat your wife is the way that your son will treat his wife, and the way that your daughters will accept treatment from a man. Do you realize how powerful that is? I know you might be the “big dog” at work, and have the ability to change some things there, but in your daily example to your children, you have the power to change the world.

I just returned from a men’s conference in Elmbrook, WI called “No Regrets”, A Life of Significance. This conference had 5,000 men gathering to fellowship, learn, and share about the Christian life as a man. What does a life of “No Regrets” look like? In 1 Cor 3:11-15 we read about a man building a life on the foundation of Jesus Christ, and that the Day will bring his work to light. In verse 15 we read about a life of regrets, “..he will be saved, but only as a man escaping through the flames”. A life of No Regrets ends with the words, “Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter now into the glory of thy Maker”. A life of significance is a life spent on service, focused on bringing others closer to Him and preparing for heaven. A life of significance recognizes this existence as a blink between eternities and gives it that same weight in our minds. A man that is living a life of significance can be recognized, because he is doing something about it.

Men, we have been given hands to work, feet to move, and our behinds are there to hold our legs on; not to sit with. Get off your blessed assurance, rise today and lead your family in Christ, affect your place of work for Christ,  and train yourself into the heart of God through prayer and reading the Word. In 2028 my son will be 31, and if we as Christian men commit to living lives of significance, we will still be in a vibrant and healthy church, full of men living lives of example in the power of the Lord.

“Wherever you go, preach Christ; and if necessary, use words” – Francis of Assisi

Technorati Tags: husband, men, spiritual leadership

The husband in this example was controlling, petty, and dismissive and the rules of the home did not apply to him but were liberally applied to all others. I would suggest that this man is in all of us, and I would exhort men to stand up and be more than a male. Be what God designed you to be, for Him, for your wife, for your church, and for your children…

Men today don’t know a lot of things. They are not being raised with any sense of “manhood” (what it means to be a man). We try to make our little boys act like little girls, and when they don’t, we give them Ritalin and sit them in the front of the class and hold them in from recess. Worse than this, we don’t tell boys when “manhood” begins. There is no rite of passage, no understanding of, “From this day forth, you shall be considered a man”. Childhood used to last until age 18 (maximum), now – for many men – it lasts through a young man’s 20′s and into his 30′s. How many of you have spoken with women who’s sons still live in the basement at age 29, playing video games for a living? “Johnny’s still at home, but we’re praying for him”. He doesn’t need only prayer, he needs Dad to drag him outside and make him work!

How is it that we are not teaching our sons to be men? Well, I’d posit that there are two primary reasons for this. First, we don’t spend any time with them and second, we don’t know how to be men ourselves. It once was that a son would apprentice with his father (or another man) and would learn alongside them about the trade, and as a result, would also pick up critical things about what a man does all day, how he acts, and how he treats others. Today, we run off to work and our son goes to school. When our boy comes home he sits in front of the TV or a video game while we engage in our hobby without him or go work out at the gym. This teaches little Johnny how to live in Mom’s basement later on, not how to become a man! We don’t know how to be men because we’re the first generation raised wholly in a post-modern world. Even if you were raised by solid parents, the world has eaten at you, claiming its apathetic margin at every stage of your life, telling you that every belief is equal, and children should be allowed to run free and do as they like. You don’t know how to raise a man because your past didn’t make you into one!

What does your wife need? I don’t mean, “What’s your perception of what you needy wife whines about all the time”? I mean, what does the creature to whom you’ve pledged to have and to hold, to cherish… what does she NEED!? Do you hold her face in your hands, gently stroke her hair, talk with her gently about life, love, and your children? Or do you leer at her, rolling your eyes when she asks you to remove your shoes in the mud room, chuckle under your breath and find secret enjoyment when the kids misbehave to her? Do you sacrifice for her, picking up around the house, making her tea in the evening, helping make the bed in the morning, looking for what burdens you can remove from her or do you plop down in front of the TV when you get home and look for someone, anyone, to bring you a drink? When she wants to do a certain thing around the house, make an expenditure,etc. do you mock or control her? Or do you revel in the fact that you have a capable and brave wife that handles her household with grace and courage?

Men, our wives need us, but they don’t need what we’ve become; they need what God created us to be. They need kings that will treat them like queens, they need warriors that will treat them with gentleness and kindness, they need friends that will listen and care, and they need partners that will shoulder the emotional burdens of life together with them. Care for your wives men… that does not mean, “bring home a check”, the active verb is “care”. First care for her, and then – through daily action – care for her. Protect her heart and champion her cause and I promise you, you’ll begin to see a queen that is radiant and fulfilled.

What do your kids need? They need presence. They need to see you live life, interacting with others and making decisions. They need specific training, yes; but more important is to let them see who you are as you live life as a man. Your daughters need touching, love, and time. If you don’t give them this often, they will soon find another male to give it to them, and trust me when I tell you that you don’t want that. Your sons need to understand what work is, what sacrifice is, and why we do both of these things. Both genders need to understand our view of – and relationship to – God and what “life” looks like outside the family. Your children should be able to express emotion in a safe environment and should know that no matter what they do, they are still your child and that you love them (this does not make a statement about consequence).

Men, this is a country filled with guys who don’t have great adventure in life; they watch them in movies. Men don’t play many sports anymore, they watch football on TV. Men don’t take the time and energy to be lovers to their wives, they watch porn on the internet. Men don’t live life in their role 24 hours a day anymore, they go to work, come home and go into a TV or computer world, expecting their wives to pick up the “slack”. I encourage you not to be this man! 

So, how do we do it? Simple. We stamp out only three things and add one. The three are, lust, pride, and selfishness. That’s it, three little things. (for those of you who don’t know me, this would be tongue-in-cheek humor).

Lust
This one is a killer fellas. It’s a part of selfishness but with guys, it needs its own little category (and coffin). Your wife whom the Lord gave you and with whom you should take your joy, is the only woman that you should be expending any emotional energy on. You’ve all seen sitcoms or movies where the man puts a centerfold up on the bedstead to get excited with his wife, and we laugh and say that’s pathetic, but we each do this exact same thing. If you have ever slept with a woman that is not your wife, watched a movie with pornographic content, viewed a magazine with scantily clad (or unclad) women, or lusted after another woman in your heart; it is incredibly likely that you are bringing these images to mind, and that is being unfaithful to your wife! More than this, since we’ve likely masturbated to these images or thoughts, we will bring back these memories with our wives in the moment that God designed us to be only with one another, while we are making love. Can you begin to see why pornography and pre-marital sex are a huge problem? We men are visual and we remember visually. This is not helpful when we are trying to focus on our wife. I would suggest that you drive out thoughts and images of other women, and this takes a long time to do, but it is worth it. I would further suggest that you slow your sexual pace down to a point where you do not need to conjure up images to “get excited” but are already so full of anticipation that you can focus fully on your wife without bringing other women into your mind. On another note, this pace may be more naturally in line with your wife’s pace, but we can discuss that theory another time.

Pride
You don’t always have to “win”, to be “right”, to be the “Big Dog”. Let others have their time in the sun as well. It’s your job to build self-confidence in your children, not to tear it down. You are to hold up you wife, not make her question her sanity. Stop the belittling comments and the desire to make others look bad. Instead, build others up verbally, assuming that they already are what they could become, and then watch them become that. Suck it up, and take your part of the blame (and stop there). When you are confronted with an issue in life, stop trying to find out “who’s fault it was”. Investigate only YOUR part of it and how to avoid it the next time or how you might act in a more honorable manner if faced with the same situation again.

Selfishness
Newsflash fellas, it isn’t all about you! It’s about her and the kids. Set yourself aside and look for what you can do to serve your family. If I hear even one of you complain, “I’ve had a long day at work and I deserve to sit down”, I swear I’ll come to your place and exhort you to excellence personally and vigorously. Her day started before yours and will end after yours, and she’ll give more of herself than you will. You don’t “deserve” to sit down, she does. Change your attitude and approach. Let her sit and put her feet up. Bring her tea and do the dinner dishes for her. I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT TO, THAT’S THE ENTIRE POINT!!! Set yourself aside and put her in the place she deserves, in your heart, mind, and in the home. She is your queen. As a side note, the kids quickly pick up on this and become people with servant-hearts as well.

The One Thing
This blog is heavy in “Christian” metaphor and belief, and that is because I believe that what we do here is temporary and preparatory for an eternity with He who created us. The changes suggested in this post will help any man with his wife and kids, but the real change comes when we open our hearts to the Good News, filling ourselves with the Holy Spirit and allowing Him to work in us to change us. The other three do not fall away without a fight, but you need strength to put away the old and bring in the new, and Christ will give that strength.

Cowboy up, men! There is a world full of sons that don’t know what a man is or does, daughters that are looking for love, and wives that need us to be present and accounted for. Hear the challenge and rise to it.