Fireproof

Not often does a movie come along that I enjoy. Rarer still, a movie that I respect. Still harder to find, a movie that I enjoy, respect, and that I am emotionally caught up in and learn something from. Fireproof is one of these rare movies. In fact, it may stand alone in its own category.

This movie tells a story about a man – Caleb Holt – whose marriage is now coming on hard times. It’s coming onto hard times because neither he nor his wife have learned how to love unselfishly. Their reaction is to end the marriage, rather than fight for it. The main character’s father steps in and asks his son to go on a 40-day “love dare” journey, treating his wife the way a wife should be treated, regardless her ‘worthiness’ to accept that love and care. The journey takes some tough twists and turns, and the results are – to him – unexpected and will change his life forever.

This film is unapologetically Christian. It states that to give love, you must first understand love, and you must have it. This true love can only come from Christ and it is only this love that lasts forever, is wholly unselfish, and the only love strong enough to hold even when the other person is ‘undeserving’. There are so many layers to this film it is difficult to discuss them all, but male pornography issues, older male and female mentoring, Christian friends, influence of parents in the life, Christian witness, and counseling are all touched on and dealt with in reasonable and approachable terms.

Why did I enjoy this movie so much? Well, because I am Caleb Holt. I don’t mean that I am a firefighter and that the movie was modeled after my life, I mean that I acted as Caleb acted, and my life came to the same crossroads as his did. In fact, I acted far worse than Caleb did, for a longer period of time, was far more addicted to pornography, and this with three children in the house. My crossroad was an offramp on a freeway, not a fork in the road.

After a 2-hour struggle on my knees with the Lord (which I lost and He won), I came out of that dark place and began to treat my wife with the love that I am called to show, even though she had nothing to return. I did this after she left the house with the children, and in God’s grace, He loved her back into our marriage. I didn’t have a 40-day plan, but I knew that my approach to life had been – to this point – completely unsuccessful. I had things, and money, but nothing that mattered, and I wasn’t walking with my Lord. I decided that, even if He did not return my family to me, that I would walk with Him because I was inqdequate on my own. I would – finally – become part of the solution, and not the problem. I would help build God’s kingdom here on earth.

I don’t know where each of you are in your marriages, but I can guarantee that there are pieces of Caleb and Catherine in each of us. For the married, I urge you to watch this movie with your spouse. For single men, I urge you to watch this movie and see the positive effect that Christian friends can have on a man, and the devastating effects of pornography on a woman’s heart. Single women, watch this movie and learn not to gossip, or to exacerbate your friends marriage difficulties with a sharp tongue.

If your marriage has had struggles and you watch this movie with your spouse, watch the matinee and set aside the entire evening for healing and talking. This movie is one of the very few that can change your life if you let it. If you are willing to go ‘all the way’ and let the Lord into your heart as well, this movie won’t just change your life, it will be responsible for leading you to the One that saved it.

Technorati Tags: christ, love, marriage, movie, romance, Wife

I’d like to talk about the issues associated with porn from a different, individual, perspective for a moment. What does it do to people? How does it fit into God’s plan for our lives?

First let me talk about men. We are visual creatures with a visual memory. This is why porn is so tempting for us. It feeds us ever-changing images of things we are desperately tempted by (naked women). This is the beginning of a cycle that has us desiring more images, filing them away, and then recalling those images at incredibly inopportune times. We, as men, have visual memories recalled when emotions or triggers fire that we had when we saw the image initially. We all think it’s incredibly funny when a movie shows us a man putting a magazine centerfold at the head of his marital bed so that he can get aroused with his wife. Guess what? If you’ve slept with someone other than your wife or watched porn, you’re likely doing that in your head NOW… why do you think we often close our eyes during sex? We want to think about the images, rather than be in the moment with our wife!

Second, let’s talk about masturbation. I’ve heard many people – Christian people – tell me that masturbation is not a sin. I remain unconvinced as this act takes something that is designed to be shared and makes it selfish, but let’s say – for argument’s sake – that it is not a sin. Porn viewing and/or mental imagery of someone other than your wife is wrong. Job knew this when he wrote about a contract he made with his eyes (Job 31:1). Solomon knew this when he wrote that a man is what he thinks (Proverbs 23:7). Christ knew this when He said that if you think about a woman in that way, you’ve already sinned with her (Matthew 5:28) Since it is incredibly unlikely that you can masturbate without recalling images to your mind that break your marital bond, why don’t we skip it altogether?

That brings us to God’s plan for our lives. What comes to mind when I ask you to, “Outline for me the general plan that God has for masculinity, for men in His church and in families”? Do you see men masturbating in front of computer monitors? Do you see men in bathrooms, masturbating with magazines? Do you see men with sexual dysfunction issues that cannot be a real lover to their wives because their threshold for excitement has been pushed so far up that unless there are three women, another man, and a few whips and chains in the room they cannot get excited!? Do you see men that treat their wives – who God gave them to protect and to cherish – like objects because they’ve seen images of this treatment time and time again? I believe that God gave marriage to us for at least four reasons; first, He gave it to us as a method of progressive sanctification (to grow in Him with each other), second, He gave it to model His relationship with His people, third, He gave it to us to fill the earth (procreation), and fourth, it is a relationship in which we can learn to be selfless and to connect with a person the way the Lord desires us to connect with Him. Pornography does not fit into any of these four designs for marriage.

Let’s get practical. This is said to be a “victimless crime”, that is, “I can view pornography and/or pleasure myself without affecting anyone”. Can you? Where’s that 57 billion dollars coming from? Do you steal $40 a month from your family to pay for an internet site so that you can view it? When you have marital relations with your wife, can you open your eyes -staying in that moment with her- and remain aroused? Can you glance at a woman who is provocatively dressed and “bounce” your eyes away from her, and not think about her again that day? Can you look at an 18-year old girl involved in porn and feel sorry for her, rather than leering at her? Do you find yourself protecting women at every step of life, rather than viewing them as incapable objects of male affection? Can you defend women each time they are oppressed, or do you secretly think that “most women want to be taken advantage of physically”? Guys, if you can’t say an unequivocal YES to every one of these, go do some soul-searching. Porn affects you, and it isn’t in a good way. When God calls us to marital fidelity He doesn’t mean, “Don’t have sex with anyone else”, as much as He means, “When someone asks your wife if she feels married to Christ, does she say yes”? We are to be lovers of her soul, her mind, her spirit, and her body. Thinking that marital fidelity is only a matter of physical intimacy also devalues women and makes them sex objects.

I know that these thoughts are not arranged in logical order and that this post isn’t arranged such that it will convince many that porn is wrong… this is “just” a blog after all. Go away and think about this, pray about it. God calls men to more than viewing porn.