Yeah, I said it. It turns out that when we investigate the cause, the “reason” behind a woman’s decision to abort, the highest number of women (over 38%) state a response to pressure from a husband or a boyfriend. A man’s mere presence can influence a decision as well. If a woman’s partner is present but unsupportive, she is at four times greater risk of choosing an abortion than if he is present and supportive. If the partner is absent, she is at six times greater risk. But these are only “response” metrics, what about men and their actions before pregnancy are responsible for this?

First, we get right back to parenting. For young women, they get their identity as a woman from their father. What I mean is, they learn how to expect love and how to love men from their father. If he is absent, they often become promiscuous as they search for love and acceptance from men. If he is coarse, mean, and surly, they often become very passive in their relationships with men, turning into “doormats” and living in very subservient relationships. A present, gentle but firm, and loving father does not guarantee a well-adjusted, chaste daughter, but it is incredibly rare to find the latter without the former.

How a father interacts with women and how he treats his wife shows his son how to treat women when he strikes out on his own. If a father treats the wife as a second-class citizen, not listening to her opinions, mocking her, or making generally derogatory comments about women, the son can be expected to view women as less than men and will subsequently treat them as such. If a father womanizes, the son further learns to “use” women, that they are expendable, and that you need to protect yourself – not your wife – at all times. If a father is present, treats his wife like a queen, and avoids illicit contact with other women it does not guarantee a son that will champion for women and treat them well, but again, you’ll almost never find the latter without the former.

Second, methods like abortion (”emergency contraception” contained therein) actually cause men to be more promiscuous. It is a commonly accepted fact that men deal with things when they become emergencies, and generally not before that time. Retroactive methods like abortion are “custom built” for men because it allows them to be completely irresponsible and then deal with an “issue” when it “becomes an issue”. Men need to act in such a way that they measure the impact of their actions well in advance of the action, rather than taking a radical “fix it” approach when the action invariably results in an “issue”.

Third, men are personally putting direct pressure on their women to abort. A common statement is, “If you carry this child in defiance of my desire for you to abort, I will break up with you, I will never pay a penny for the child, and no man will ever want you again”. What the man is really saying is, “I don’t want a child because they scare me and I am too immature to deal with one, I am fearful of the situation and will therefore control you to control it, I have no respect for your wishes and am willing to tear your soul in half to protect myself, and I am the only man that is willing to keep you because I will know your dirty little secret”.

Girls, listen to me carefully; while I am fully sold out for committed, two-parent families, that guy is not what you need or want, regardless your decision to abort or keep the child. What you desire and deserve to have – regardless your prior decisions in life – is a man who will hold you up, who will protect your heart and soul, and who has enough faith in you to say, “I am here for you, whatever you do”, and then follows through on that promise.

Men, if you are that guy, please change. You may be overcoming a huge past, you might be the first male in your family to become a man, but please change. A better world is not built by men who protect themselves before others and who tear down their women to do it. A real man does not act that way, and I am begging you to be more than that. You can be a good father, and a good husband – as frightening a world as that seems – and building that life results in lasting value. It’s a challenge, and you are up to it.

Finally, guys, if you are married, engaged, or related to a woman who has had an abortion; you need to know that this has lasting effects on her. Sexual intimacy can be tainted with bloodguilt, relationship intimacy can be destroyed by a lack of trust in men, and moral guidance can be lacking because of unresolved guilt without forgiveness. She needs your strength and she needs your accepting love. Healing from this experience takes a long time, but it is possible, and it is made easier with a man who is understanding and gentle.

And to those women who have been told that a man will not marry a single woman with a child, I’m here to tell you that is a lie. I married a single woman with a two-year old child, and that precious little girl is my eldest daughter (of three children) and she’ll be sixteen in a couple of weeks.

Written 24th October, 2007 by Ron Orrick

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