Window or Mirror?

Many people argue against pornography from a societal standpoint; that is, “Porn is ripping apart the moral fabric of our country and we are fixated to an unhealthy degree on it… to the tune of 57 billion dollars a year”.

I’d like to talk about the issues associated with porn from a different, individual, perspective for a moment. What does it do to people? How does it fit into God’s plan for our lives?

First let me talk about men. We are visual creatures with a visual memory. This is why porn is so tempting for us. It feeds us ever-changing images of things we are desperately tempted by (naked women). This is the beginning of a cycle that has us desiring more images, filing them away, and then recalling those images at incredibly inopportune times. We, as men, have visual memories recalled when emotions or triggers fire that we had when we saw the image initially. We all think it’s incredibly funny when a movie shows us a man putting a magazine centerfold at the head of his marital bed so that he can get aroused with his wife. Guess what? If you’ve slept with someone other than your wife or watched porn, you’re likely doing that in your head NOW… why do you think we often close our eyes during sex? We want to think about the images, rather than be in the moment with our wife!

Second, let’s talk about masturbation. I’ve heard many people – Christian people – tell me that masturbation is not a sin. I remain unconvinced as this act takes something that is designed to be shared and makes it selfish, but let’s say – for argument’s sake – that it is not a sin. Porn viewing and/or mental imagery of someone other than your wife is wrong. Job knew this when he wrote about a contract he made with his eyes (Job 31:1). Solomon knew this when he wrote that a man is what he thinks (Proverbs 23:7). Christ knew this when He said that if you think about a woman in that way, you’ve already sinned with her (Matthew 5:28) Since it is incredibly unlikely that you can masturbate without recalling images to your mind that break your marital bond, why don’t we skip it altogether?

That brings us to God’s plan for our lives. What comes to mind when I ask you to, “Outline for me the general plan that God has for masculinity, for men in His church and in families”? Do you see men masturbating in front of computer monitors? Do you see men in bathrooms, masturbating with magazines? Do you see men with sexual dysfunction issues that cannot be a real lover to their wives because their threshold for excitement has been pushed so far up that unless there are three women, another man, and a few whips and chains in the room they cannot get excited!? Do you see men that treat their wives – who God gave them to protect and to cherish – like objects because they’ve seen images of this treatment time and time again? I believe that God gave marriage to us for at least four reasons; first, He gave it to us as a method of progressive sanctification (to grow in Him with each other), second, He gave it to model His relationship with His people, third, He gave it to us to fill the earth (procreation), and fourth, it is a relationship in which we can learn to be selfless and to connect with a person the way the Lord desires us to connect with Him. Pornography does not fit into any of these four designs for marriage.

Let’s get practical. This is said to be a “victimless crime”, that is, “I can view pornography and/or pleasure myself without affecting anyone”. Can you? Where’s that 57 billion dollars coming from? Do you steal $40 a month from your family to pay for an internet site so that you can view it? When you have marital relations with your wife, can you open your eyes -staying in that moment with her- and remain aroused? Can you glance at a woman who is provocatively dressed and “bounce” your eyes away from her, and not think about her again that day? Can you look at an 18-year old girl involved in porn and feel sorry for her, rather than leering at her? Do you find yourself protecting women at every step of life, rather than viewing them as incapable objects of male affection? Can you defend women each time they are oppressed, or do you secretly think that “most women want to be taken advantage of physically”? Guys, if you can’t say an unequivocal YES to every one of these, go do some soul-searching. Porn affects you, and it isn’t in a good way. When God calls us to marital fidelity He doesn’t mean, “Don’t have sex with anyone else”, as much as He means, “When someone asks your wife if she feels married to Christ, does she say yes”? We are to be lovers of her soul, her mind, her spirit, and her body. Thinking that marital fidelity is only a matter of physical intimacy also devalues women and makes them sex objects.

I know that these thoughts are not arranged in logical order and that this post isn’t arranged such that it will convince many that porn is wrong… this is “just” a blog after all. Go away and think about this, pray about it. God calls men to more than viewing porn.